Here we go again. Why?????

Unfortunately, I'm now back to icing my back many times throughout the day. Today, I actually feel like going to the ER to get an injection so I can have some peace of mind. A time without pain. I really don't know how much more of this I can take. My back is killing me and so are the abnormal spinal sensations. I'm trying my best to remain positive. I'm trying to do other things to keep myself distracted.

ASAP is very light today so not much of a distraction. I went to chat today and that was great until I had to give some time to my granddaughter. She loves her Nana attention I give. I love being able to provide this quality time to her. It provided some distraction while I was also on the icepack.

I've been trying not to spend so much time in the bed since we've moved. It started with my mother-in-law visiting. I didn't want her to get hurt trying to look after me so it helped to keep the positive flow going by not letting her help me. Once she left, I stayed in the mode of getting up, visiting ASAP and staying away from the bed so much. It really helps to keep the depression down too. I've noticed that when I'm up more, I'm not depressed so much.

Being up, I think, is not so good for my back. It's good for my mood so I guess that's a plus. It's all connected. Relieving one thing (depression), helps out with the rest in the long run, I guess. I do know this, I just think sitting contributes to my increased pain level. I do make sure I take frequent breaks and naps. Actually, my body never lets me forget. I get so exhausted and feel so tired (can't hold my eyes open and sometimes they burn) that I have no choice. Still, the pain won't stop or even let up for a while.

It's like a catch 22. Have more pain or be depressed??? I don't want either. Depression is horrible and it's really hard to get out of that mode, once you're there. It's a miserable feeling and so is the pain. It's a lose/lose situation.

With all that's going on and the intensity of pain I'm dealing with, I must thank GOD that I'm able to still think rationally and not hide myself in bed, away from the world. I thank GOD for the time I'm able to spend in the ASAP forum. I thank GOD for my family and all the people at ASAP who understand what I'm going through. I thank GOD that I'm up and about, living life, instead of hiding in the bed feeling sorry for myself and useless.

I will continue to use as many ice packs as it takes to give me even a moment of relief. I will continue to manage the best way I can, with a smile on my face. When the pain becomes too much, I will continue to sleep through the worst as I've always done.

I hope everyone is having a pleasant weekend!!!