Another Progression - Different But Too Soon

It seems I just got use to an increase in the pain and tremors. Here we go again now with every other symptom becoming much stronger than ever before.

The right sided numbness and tingling is driving me bananas. The tremors in my hand are now starting to dramatically effect my typing speed and errors. My left foot is numb now. I'm having an even harder time with sleep because the intensity of the tremors, pain, chronic itching and abnormal spinal sensations make me sick. It all feels so bizarre that I get nauseous and sick to my stomach. I can't stand it all so if I don't fall asleep right away, I have to sit up, or prop against several pillows, until I do fall asleep. It's maddening and enough to make me want to pull my hair out. I hate it all and I'm extremely tired of it all. I don't know how much longer I can manage.

I can't even talk right half the time. Some days are worse than others, but along with the hoarseness, I'm stuttering more. This really bothers me a lot and frustrates me to no end. Once I'm frustrated, it becomes a vicious cycle because I get stressed and then I stutter more. I know this, yet I can't stop getting frustrated over it. It's like the word is right there but it just won't come out, or the wrong word comes out sometimes. I can handle the wrong word coming out, it's when the word is right there but I can't get it to come out of my mouth that's causing the problem.

The tremors are happening more frequent when I'm sitting. It's invading all my safe places. It's not just tremors, they hurt and cause my muscles to spasm and increases the pain in my back. If it was just as simple as having tremors, I could probably deal with it a little better. I feel like I've run a marathon after one episode and I actually have to lie down afterward. This action causes the tremors to start up again. Then it will happen a few more times before they will actually calm down for a little while and allow me to rest or nap. It's exhausting.

Sometimes, I wish others could feel what it feels like to have to live each day like this. I don't make a big deal out of it because it won't change anything. Mostly, I stay positive and smile, even when I'm at my worse. If I'm hurting too bad (or the other symptoms become too much) and can't remain positive, I go to bed and sleep through the pain, or other symptoms.

Yesterday, the pain management doctor said it was OK for me to up the Lyrica another 75mg (total 450mg) by taking two in morning. However, I can only do this when the pain is unbearable. I asked him because I had some rough days and had already increased the Lyrica, on the worse days. It's not everyday. At least, I pray it's not everyday that every symptom bothers me and becomes intolerable. For the most part, it's all here to stay and I know this, so I try to deal with it the best way I can. However, there does seem to be days where it bothers me more than other days. Maybe it's during that time of the month. I still have PMS, even though I no longer have a cycle, because I still have my ovaries.

I hope everyone has a "FUN" weekend!!