How SM Effects My Children - From My Observation

I have three children: Damien, Michael and Keonna. They are all wonderful and loving children.

Damien (the oldest - 28):

As a child, he was the most helpful, adorable and loving little person. He had one of those faces of a child who'd been here before. He was also the daring child. He was in trouble a lot during his teens. He always had this need to prove himself.

He was 14 when we moved from Chicago to California. He hated it from the moment we got on the road. I drove from home to California, when my mom (deceased) started having difficulty accepting the life of an amputee. He was helpful to his grandma, but afterward, he would seem to hang with all the troublesome kids in the neighborhood.

At the age of 14, my loving little boy became a trouble maker. He found trouble, it never had to come looking for him. He rebelled, in every way possible, to show how unhappy he was, being in California. He continually asked us to let him live with my brother so he could stay in Chicago. To me, it was the best move I could possibly have made for my children. Our neighborhood, in Chicago, was becoming the "drug spot", very fast.

Little did I know that drugs, and alcohol, would become the biggest problems in my childs life. Once I became aware of the signs, he would spend weeks away from home to keep me from knowing what was happening with him. By the time he was 20 or so, his life of drugs and alcohol had led him to a prison cell.

He knows what's happening with me, and the only thing he can do is provide words of encouragement and support, over the phone. He is scheduled to be released soon and I pray for him, and his son, that he has left the life of drugs and alcohol behind him and is ready to become a productive member (and adult) of society. Not only do I want my son to be a part of my life, during this time, I also want his son (Jaeden) to know his dad and for Damien to be able to teach him right from wrong, and the "don'ts" of dealing with drugs and alcohol. Overall, he's a wonderful kid.

Michael (the middle child - 26):

Michael is my little "debater". He was such a lovable little baby with cheeks you love squeeze. He loved the move to California and being able to spend time with family other than his parents and siblings. My sister lives in California with her family (spouse, two children and grandkids). He missed his cousins once they left Chicago. My sister and I had two kids that were close in age. Anyway, he made friends quickly and loved school, at that time.

He was a daring little one also, but in a different way. He loved getting awards from school, learning to swim, and joined in activities and church. He tumbled and played basketball, these were his favorite things to do. Growing up is hard for all of us, some handle it better than others. That's just the way life is. Michael adored life and he still does.

He's successful in work and as a parent (his daughter Tanira). He depends on his family a lot, but I guess there's always one who never wants to leave mamma and I'm totally fine with that. In fact, I love it and I love having my granddaughter around all the time.

Michael believes that all I need to do to get past this illness is "put my mind into changing the situation". Whether it be pain, difficulty walking, the chronic hoarseness (just talk normal) and especially the meds. It's all mind control. It's actually hilarious to say "he takes meds for pain". LOL

He'll help me with something (or do things for me) when I ask, but he makes it clear that if I don't ask, he won't assume. He's spent a few times discussing my illness and symptoms with me so he could better understand what I'm going through, and so I could see his perpective on the situation. For the most part, he spends a lot of time out of the home. Overall, he's a terrific kid.

Keonna (the baby and dancer - 23):

Keonna was the girl I always wanted. After spending time with my boys, it's hard to believe that the first time I was pregnant, I wanted one child - a girl. Thank GOD I had 3 kids, I wish I could have had more, regardless of the sex. She doesn't remember a lot of Chicago so she never really cared where we lived.

She's such a joy and very creative. She loved to cook from an early age and would imitate her grandmother (my mother-in-law). She was too cute, in the mornings when my husband and I were at work, she'd make breakfast for her and the boys, this included "coffee" (what??, they were kids). Mickey and I heard about it from the boys, after the fact, because they were teasing her about being like "grandma", making breakfast and coffee and telling them to "move it" because breakfast was waiting and they didn't want to be late for school. My little darling.

When I first became too ill to manage, without a cane, it was Keonna who greeted me at the door in the evenings, after work, to help me into the house. She was the first to know that I was having great difficulty with pain and walking, at the end of the day. Over time, she would see how hard it was for me to literally drag my legs along, leaning on her shoulders, just to make it to my bed.

When I came home from the hospital, it was Keonna who took care of me, day to day, until Mickey came home from work. After a few months time, I was able to make it to the kitchen to cook a "small" breakfast. Cooking large meals was difficult, even then. She didn't register for school (U of I) the next semester because she wanted to be there for me as long as I needed her.

She moved to Long Beach (or LA, I can't remember), 6 months after I came home. I was still having out-patient therapy but I adjusted the schedule so my husband could take me. He preferred taking me anyway and tried to make sure my appointments were scheduled after he got off work. Unfortunately, it didn't always happen that way so it was a good thing Keonna was home, even for the first 6 months. She slept in late most days so she never really witnessed a lot of my mood(s) (crying fits, "why me GOD" and anything else in wonder of "why" this was happening to me).

Whenever Keonna comes home to visit now, she's still my "saving grace". She spends time visiting with me, occasionally we've play board games, we watch movies together, she plays computer games while we enjoy conversation together or we just sit and talk. Sometimes, we eat our meals together.

I believe it was really hard for her to see me struggling so much. Then when I was hospitalized and had surgery, she went into "overgear" in making me comfortable, being supportive and helpful with anything I needed. She still does all that she can (calls regularly and comes home to visit) to bring sunshine into my life. Overall, she's such a joyous kid.

My three angels, what would I do without them. I love and appreciate them all.