Frustration

Everything is happening all at once. I can't stand how I'm feeling these days. I wear a smile whenever I can because I try to remember that there's someone in the world who has it worse than I do. However, I'm having a very hard time trying to adjust to this new level of pain.

I've been up and about the house, since Friday because of the move. I've been sitting in my wheelchair for longer periods of time than I ever have. I end up rushing off to my bedroom, sometimes on the verge of tears but most times in tears.

This burning feeling that has been relieved since I started the Lyrica, last year, is now up and roaring throughout my spine. Nothing I'm doing is taking it away or even decreasing it back to the level is was previously. All I know, is that I can't take it anymore. I feel like at any minute I could just break out and start screaming. The top in the shoulder area, the middle and the lower back are all screaming from the burning, at the same time. It's too much.

I'm having a difficult time controlling the tremors in my right hand. I guess because I'm up more, I'm using the hand more and it's caused an increase in the tremor. I'm being awaken in the middle of the night, more and more, each night. I keep getting the feeling of water being spilled on different areas on my extremities, throughout the day.

The numbness is more prominent and hasn't gone away this time. I'm trying my very best to hang in there. I see the pain management doctor tomorrow and I need to call and schedule an appointment with the neurologist so he can put in a referral for my MRI this month.

The nausea is another thing that's making it hard to manage. The more symptoms that are present at one time, the harder it is to manage.

I can't take much more but I'm reminded that other's do have it much worse than I do. Which in turn keeps me in the frame of mind to "just deal with it". I think the worse part is that no one knows how hard this is for me. It's amazing the I find myself apologizing if other's do happen to see me cry. It's not fair for me to impose this on my loved ones. It's a disorder, with progressive symptoms, that I have, not them. This is another thought that runs through my mind.

I hope everyone is having a great day.