Troubles At Home

I know I have to keep going but to tell you the truth, I really don't want to. I'm so tired of living like this and being such a burden to my husband. He actually told my MIL that I'm always bugging him. Mind you, whenever I do things, he always says, don't do that or I told you to call me before you do things. It hurts to know that he really didn't mean any of that. It hurts to know that all along, the times I have called on him, he was truly feeling like I was bugging him.

I have no way to get around and no place else to go. My parents are deceased so I basically feel like I'm stuck in a situation where I can't take the best care of myself but I have no one else to count on either. My son can only do so much too, he's not here most of the day. To be honest, I rarely call on Mickey unless it's something I really can't do. I don't understand where the comment came from. He spends his evenings, after work, in the living room and I'm in the bedroom all day. Once he takes care of me in the morning, before work, I don't see him again until bedtime. No one can imagine how hurtful it is to hear the person you love and depend on, say that you're bugging him/her, especially under the circumstances.

Now, I can't even call on him when I really need him. It really sucks that I have to wait until my son is around or call my friend to help me. It hurts more, I guess, because I always ask him if he minds and he says no problem. So, basically, I'm damned whether I call on him or not. He's mad when I don't call him, and apparently, he's mad when I call him. If I had someone else to live with, I would. When Medicaid kicks in I will definitely ask about an assisted living facility. I can't stand knowing that I have to grind through the pain and do things regardless of how I feel, or how it will make me feel. I shouldn't have to live like this. I'll keep saying, I'm truly hurt over this until I feel better about the situation, I guess. I had no idea he felt this way. None at all, especially when he makes comments to suggest the opposite. It's confusing, to say the least.

I'll keep pushing on here, because I have no place else to go. Honestly, now I am just ready to bail out. I struggle through the worst of times, the pain and suffering, the debilitating symptoms because of my family. I never wanted to be a burden to any of them so it kind of defeats the purpose of pushing on.