My MIL came to visit for a month. She's been here since July 26th. It's been a true blessing having her here at this time in our lives. She had no idea we were in the process of a move. She jumped right in and helped with packing and unpacking. She unpacked everything and organized the entire kitchen.
She continues to let me know that she's here to help out every time I tell her she's doing too much and she needs to rest. Her presence has been welcomed and appreciated by every person in this household, especially me. My granddaughter gets a cooked breakfast on the mornings she doesn't want cereal. We have had hot, home cooked meals. She's shopped, cleaned, cooked, kept me company, rubbed my back when I needed it most, and has done whatever she could to help out.
She's at the end of her stay, she leaves on Saturday and I, for one, will miss her terribly. She has done the most for me without really knowing it and just by being here. My daily routine was moving from the chair, to the bed, propping against pillows and back to the chair again. Over the last month, I have been up and about the house almost everyday. There have been days I didn't dare get out of bed for any reason, other than the bathroom.
It's been extremely hard to be up and be in excruciating pain throughout the day. I've been use to putting on a smile every evening when my family returns home from work. I smile no matter how bad the pain is. In my book, no one wants to be around someone who frowns from pain, day in and out. It gets old, real fast and I refuse to be a burden to everyone knowing that this is a lifetime disorder. I also have learned to smile during the weekend when everyone is home. If I'm not able to smile, I sleep instead to keep from crying. There's only so much pain you can take in a day before your body becomes more exhausted than you can handle.
I tried hard to keep from sleeping so much in order to avoid the pain. Instead, I just dealt with it, plus the doctor did give a 10mg increase in Oxycontin when I told him my pain has increased from being up so much.
I wanted my MIL to have a wonderful trip; I wanted this time to be a relaxing vacation for her as I would want for my own mother, if she were alive. My MIL has her own problems without being burdened down with mine. It's bad enough that I cried on her shoulder during my few days of depression. I admit, it was nice to have someone here to talk to so I could release the tears and keep the depression at bay. There are times when the depression starts and then escalates real fast, because I have no one to talk to. Having her here to talk to was a blessing of it's own.
As I said, her presence has been a life saver for me. It's gotten harder to be up over the last few days so I've been doing chores. Of course I know I'll pay dearly with an increase in pain and other symptoms, but it keeps me up so my MIL doesn't feel like she's alone in this house. It's true that I might have gone through the extra pain for nothing, because she could have wanted to be alone. It might have been good on my part to find out if she wanted company throughout the day, but it's too late now. Besides, I enjoyed the company and I have let her know as much as I can, and I didn't want her to have to worry about me during her vacation. She's getting up in age and having to worry about me could add extra stress on her. She would want to do something, not knowing or understanding that there's really nothing more that can be done. Going to the ER is a joke and I see my doctors regularly, that's as good as it gets with SM.
She was a much needed blessing. I needed to know that I can manage, no matter what, being up most of the day. It's not something I will continue doing because the truth is that I'm a wimp when it comes to pain. I'm smiling on the outside and screaming from the burning pain, on the inside. I like keeping the pain at a manageable level. However, it was truly great having someone here with me for a short while. I have spent the last two years alone and I guess it was worth the increase in pain to not be alone.
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2 comments:
What a precious bless to have your MIL there and obviously she did what she wanted to do, so don't feel guilty about her not having alone time. She may have needed exactly what she did for you and your family.
Also, your visit with your friend and the Starbucks coffee was great for you.
I totally understand about sitting around alone in your pain. It is so difficult to take your mind somewhere else.
I have discovered that light massages are very helpful and fortunately I have a friend who enjoys doing them, so I get one daily. I turn on the light music and many times will just fall asleep and stay that way.
Gosh, there has to be something we can do about this horrible pain. I continue to keep my faith that the rest of my life will not be this horrible quality of life I am living.
We have to keep going, keep smiling and keep believing. That's all there is to it. I'm thankful you have had help lately, physically and mentally. Love is a great healer.
I have always said "fake it until you make it." In other words, keep smiling until it becomes a real smile.
By the way, don't be so hard on yourself. You cannot help what has happened to you, so do the best you can with it, but don't berate yourself for not always handling everything exactly how you want it to be. Don't forget you are human and this body is only a temporary thing for us. When it becomes in this condition, it is tough. Keep the faith. I'm preaching to myself here, too. LOL
Take care dear one, you are receiving some wonderful blessings right now, enjoy them and be thankful for each second of joy in your life.
I also have this terrible condition. my family helps but not as understanding about lying around they dont get it. I hurt all the time and Im tired all the time, they think Im just crabby.I had surgery in 2001, with little improvement. Im on opan 20 and 5 witch are froms of morphin.also somas elavil requip, topmax. but as you know nothing seems to work,as my family says try to go for a walk or go shopping!!! it might help. NOT!!! well I wish you well. another women who suffers.
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